Sora Finds A Strategy Guide
by Moved to other Account
Summary: What would happen if Sora found a magical strategy guide? Read to find out! WARNING: Contains some Yaoi, *possible* one sided Yuri and CRACK pairings. Mostly straight pairings, though . Enjoy reading! Rated T for lots of Violence and maybe deaths. :O
1. Prolouge

Sora Finds A Strategy Guide

Sora Finds A Strategy Guide

Disclaim: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters…I wish I owned Demyx though. 

Prologue

Meet Sora. The main character of this story. A wielder of the keyblade and befriender of two of the silliest Disney characters of all time.

It was a normal day at the Radiant Gardens (though it was still called Hollow Bastion at the time). Heartless popping up everywhere, along with nobodies, Leon, obsessed with the giant computer, Cid and Merlin were always arguing, Aeris was still trying to cheer Cloud up, and Yuffie was being her hyper little self again.

Sora sighed and smiled as he looked out into the distance. He loved traveling from world to world, but he still missed the Destiny Islands, his old home. Though he was sad, he still felt confident and kept a happy feeling all the time. The adventure started once Sora found a strange book. It was a Kingdom Hearts Final Mix strategy guide. But something about it was different from other strategy guides. You could write in it, you could recolor characters, and even mix up pages. But what Sora didn't know was that he could control his life (and many others' lives) and make them for better or for worse. Of course, everyone else would start chasing after him, either to destroy the book, read or study the book, or keep it and use it for themselves. But, come on, we're talking about Sora, the guy who sealed the door to darkness! He won't just let them take it! So expect chase scenes, destruction, and due to Sora being an idiot………………………………………………...

CRACK PAIRINGS.

LOTS AND LOTS OF CRACK PAIRINGS.

So enjoy, and remember to rate my story!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you don't know what crack pairings are, I really don't know either, but I think it's a___**REALLY**_creepy and unlikely pairing that would only happen if the two smoked a lot of crack. Also, there will be votes every chapter to see who gets to be tortured by Sora in the next chapter X3. Hopefully you will like my story very much. It may kinda suck at points because my friend is helping me write it. HRead on (once I get the first chapter up)!


	2. Chapter 1: Namine gives Sora the guide

Disclaimer: Read the one on the prologue

Disclaimer: Read the one on the prologue. :P

(please excuse my use of the semicolon. The comma key on my keyboard didn't work for a while;;)

Chapter 1: The Book

Roxas slowly walked to the white chamber where Sora was kept asleep until his memories were returned. Roxas looked up as the capsule slowly opened. The spiky-haired teenager smiled as he saw Sora; the person he was the Nobody of. He then pulled out a book from his backpack. He looked over the cover and wrote in permanent marker: PROPERTY OF SORA; THE KEYBLADE'S CHOSEN ONE.

He then slowly put the book beside Sora and said to him; though knowing that he couldn't hear; "Sora; Namine wanted me to give this to you. It's a gift. Just incase the worlds were already destroyed."

He then pulled the book back and wrote on the inside cover: FROM NAMINE AND ROXAS. SORA; DON'T LET US DOWN. He put it back where it was and looked up again at Sora. He then quietly said to him; "You're lucky. Looks like my Summer Vacation is…

…over."

He then disappeared into the dark portal generated behind him and was sent back to the world that never was. He just thought that Sora wouldn't be too careless with that book of his.

Boy; was he as wrong as ever!

Sora slowly opened his eyes to the sound of Donald and Goofy calling out to him.

"Sora!"

"Sora; wake up!"

Sora's eyes finally focused on the two; and he leaped out to them and landed in a sort-of-hug.

"Donald! Goofy!" He shouted happily. They danced around for a short while; and then Jimminy Cricket leaped onto Sora's shoulder and yawned.

"That was some nap!" He said as he yawned.

Sora then exclaimed; "You mean we were…ASLEEP?!"

Jiminy then said; "I…guess. I mean why else would we be so tired?"

"Hmm…you're right." Sora paused after giving his statement some thought. "Wait a minute! If we were asleep; when did we go to sleep?"

Suddenly; everything snapped back into his mind; in slipshod animation. Kind of like something that would be like "KH In A Nutshell" (once I get flash; I'm gonna make that). He then sort of stared off into space. After an even longer pause; he absent-mindedly said "Okay; where did we leave off? Lets see…we defeated Ansem; restored peace to the worlds; then went looking for Riku and the King."

"Yeah;" Goofy started replying; not knowing that Sora was still in a trance. "But then we were stopped by some kinda guy in a black hood who trapped us in a big ol' castle!"

Sora kept on speaking; "Riku and I stopped and destroyed Marluxia and the others; Larxene; Zexion; Lexaeus; Vexen; and then I remember being put in a sleep chamber by Namine."

He then stopped. "W-wait a minute…didn't this already happen? I mean; I still remember being put in a sleep chamber; but I also remember defeating Xemnas and being brought back to the Destiny Islands! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!!" Sora screamed out as he snapped back into reality.

Then; all of a sudden; Namine appeared behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. "WHAT?! What could you possibly--oh……eheheh…sorry Namine."

Namine just giggled slightly. "I see you have awakened yet again." Sora's head swam with as many questions as there are stars in the universe as his face twisted into an awkward confused look. Namine then spoke quietly. "Though you still haven't awoken fully yet."

Sora had no idea what she ment; and just kept staring at her. She ran over to the sleep chamber and grabbed what looked like a book and handed it to Sora. The confused look was still masking his face as he grabbed the book out of her hands. She also handed him a pack of Sharpie permanent markers of every shape; size; and color you could think of! Sora then started babbling nonsense until Namine hushed him. "Shh;" she whispered. "I can explain everything."

Namine began to speak.

"You see; the worlds are at peace. No heartless or nobodies; as of yet. But some gates are still open. The only gates that are open are the gates to Hollow Bastion; the End of The World…world; and The World That Never Was.

Currently; you're in Twilight Town; but you should've figured that out already. The entire Organization has somehow come back to life; though they have gotten much friendlier. Roxas reported back to me saying that Malifecent and Pete are hiding out somewhere in the End of The World world. As for Hollow Bastion; that has to be the safest place. You should go there first."

Sora's confusion melted slowly into what he thought was a relieved look, but turned out to be a look of pain with a slight smile. Namine's face then was made into the exact same confused look Sora had moments ago. Sora noticed her reaction and then quickly turned his face into a smile.

"Oh…alright." Sora replied. Donald and Goofy felt so ignored. Namine snatched the book away from Sora, who wasn't paying attention, wrote something in it, and then Donald and Goofy disappeared!

Sora just stood there, slack-jawed at the sight of what happened. She gave the book back to him. He then looked at the book. It was practically a coloring book! There were also boxes under each character instead of a description. He found Donald's and Goofy's. Both of theirs said RETURN TO DISNEY CASTLE. Sora shrugged and said "Meh. Didn't like them anyway." Namine smiled and handed him some sort of pen that had "Wondrosity" written on the side in large cursive letters.

"Tap a character with this and they will be reset back to normal." Namine quickly said. She then opened up a portal for him. "This leads to Hollow Bastion. Now, GO!" she shouted as she shoved him into the portal. Sora was sent flying and tumbling until he landed face first on a familiar stone path. "I'm in Hollow Bastion." He quietly said to himself before getting on his feet and walking to the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee hangout.

He was greeted warmly and excitedly by the entire group of workers. But it wasn't just the workers there, he saw 2 more people. He was then jumped on by Yuffie. "EEEEE! SORAAAA!" She squealed.

He then politely asked Yuffie to get off him, and rushed over to the other two figures in the back of the room.

They were both wrapped up in towels. Towels so large that Sora couldn't see their faces. "Oh, those two?" He heard Leon say.

Aeris continued after him. "We found them lost out in the Rising Falls. We had to take them back here. They also said they knew you."

Yuffie jumped up and giggled, "Say hello to the newest members of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee!"

"RIKU! KAIRI!" Sora shouted with joy as he bounded towards them.

"Hey, I was gonna say that!" Yuffie grumbled with a fake disappointed voice.

Riku was the first glomp victim. Sora tackled him with such momentum that he fell off the bench. Riku was sort of angry, surprised, and happy all at the same time. Sora then got up and sat next to Kairi who hugged him. Sora hugged her back. She was still soaking wet and shivering from the cold waters. Aeris smiled and sat in the spot where Riku was previously sitting (Riku was knocked out).

"You know," Aeris said to Sora, "this little area we have is sort of like our home. We didn't even tell you about the Cottages we have." Sora's face lit up as she explained. "The one at the very end will be yours, Sora. Though, you'll have to share it with Riku and Kairi." Somehow, Riku woke up at those words. "All 3 of us? How would we fit?" Kairi asked. "Not to worry," Aeris replied. "The cottage you three have is a bit bigger then our separate cottages."

"Oh." Riku sighed with relief. "That makes a lot more sense." Riku said as he tried to get up. Sora then looked at the book in his hands. He sighed and walked outside. Kairi turned to the door with a worried look. She grabbed her skateboard and walked outside.

Here we are, back at the prologue setting! Read the prologue again, well…at least maybe a little bit of it. )

Kairi ran out with her skateboard. She got on it and rode up the stone stairs leading up towards the Bailey. When she reached the top, the built up some momentum by grinding, then leaped towards Sora. She almost didn't stick the landing because of the high velocity she felt when she hit the roof. She then stopped, but fell backwards. Sora looked towards her, and fell on HIS back, laughing. When they finally settled down, and sat up next to eachother.

Kairi looked at the book and gasped. She had never seen anything like it. She then asked Sora what it was for. "None of your business." Sora mumbled as he turned away.

"C'mon!" Kairi pleaded. "I'm your best friend! You can trust me."

She then put an arm around him. The girls naturally know how to get everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. But Sora stayed quiet. She then moved closer to him. Sora then turned to her and said, "Look Kairi, nothing you can do will make me--" and right there, she took the perfect opportunity……

…and kissed him.

Later that day, Sora and Kairi walked into their cottage holding hands. "Hey, Riku, figured out what's for dinner yet?" Sora asked. "Heh. I already know. Grilled cheese sandwiches. One for each of you in the kitchen." Who knew Riku could cook?

After they ate, they claimed their sleeping spaces. Riku already fell asleep on the couch, so that was his, and Sora and Kairi claimed the double bed in what seemed to be the bedroom. As they were about to go to sleep, Sora pulled out the book.

"So, that strategy guide, what is it used for?" Kairi asked him.

"I really don't know," he replied as he flipped through pages. "but I'll bet it has something to do with the space-time continuum!"

Kairi sighed and said, "You're just itching to try it out aren't you?"

"Yup!" Sora said with an ear to ear grin. He kept looking through it until he came upon a certain pink haired nobody.

"Whoa! It's Marluxia!" Sora exclaimed.

He tapped Marluxia with the pen and he was fully colored in. Kairi looked over his shoulder and laughed. "Why don't we put some sand in that meanie's eyes?"

Sora grinned slyly. "Or should I say, marker in his hair?" They both LOLed as Sora scribbled black sharpie marker on his hair.

Meanwhile, at castle oblivion…

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHAT THE HELL?!" The scream erupted from Marluxia's room. Larxene, Lexaeus and Vexen all rushed over there to see what was going on. In Marluxia's room, they found him on his knees, sobbing his eyes out. But there was something different about him.

"HOLY CRAP! What happened to his hair?" Larxene shrieked.

Lexaeus got a sponge and shampoo from out of nowhere and tried washing Marluxia's hair out. The stain would not come out. Larxene sat next to him and comforted him. She then noticed something.

"Eew, Marluxia. Your hair smells like…like……SHARPIE MARKERS!"

Larxene then remembered. She growled like a lion. _I TOLD Namine to explain the rules of it! _She then leaped up. "We have to find Sora, quickly!" All 3 of the others nodded in agreement.

The next day, Sora woke up to a good start. He told everyone that he was going to explore.

Once he got to the Bailey, he was stopped short by Marluxia, Zexion, Lexaeus, Larxene and Vexen. Sora was completely dumbfounded. He then realized Marluxia's hair was the exact same color he colored it! He then started getting "ideas." Like 'If I can do this to his hair, why not the others?' and 'How badly can I mess their lives up?'

But his thinking was cut short as one of Larxene's needles jabbed into his foot.

"YOOOWWWW!" Sora screamed out in pain. He took a jump back and pulled out the guide and a few markers. "Don't get any closer;" he threatened; "OR THE UNIFORMS GET IT!"

All six stopped dead in their tracks. All nobodies held their weapons in mid attack. Sora had the guide in his left hand; the sharpies in his left. The tough thing to decide was……………………………………………………………

…

…

…

…

…who will be his next victim?

Wait for the next chapter to find out!

Author's Note:

Hohohooo! Did I ever tell you that this was a post KH2; did I? So I need at least 2 votes for 1 of the members listed below.

Vexen

Lexaeus

Zexion

Marluxia

Larxene

Who shall be his next victim? Only time will tell…………


	3. Chapter 2: Torturing Galore!

Disclaimer: On prologue

Author's Notes: It's unanimous! The "winner" is the lightning shooting chick, LARXENE!! So let us see what happens to her!

PS: My comma key is working again!!

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Chapter 2:

Torturing Galore!!

Sora looked around the six black clad nobodies, and his blue eyes stopped on the most opportune of them all. Larxene. Let's face it, now. She's a bitch, and we all want her dead. So torturing her should be fun.

He smiled and put Wondrosity to the box under her, scribbling something quickly. Larxene gave him an odd look, but stopped as she noticed that her feet had nothing under them. She was floating. The Savage Nymph was surprised for a second or two, but then, she laughed.

"That's all you got, Sora?" the blonde taunted. Sora then smiled deviously, then turned his attention to Marluxia.

"Marly," the keyblade wielder announced, "I'm not turning your hair back to normal."

"OMG!" Marluxia exclaimed. Then, suddenly, without warning, Larxene repeatedly did flips in the air. When Larxene finally stopped, her eyes were practically spinning around in their sockets. Then…

…she threw up.

"Ugh! Right on my boots! Marluxia!" Zexion yelled at him, "Let's just get the hell outta here!"

"Right." Lexaeus agreed. So the six nobodies ran off, an angry-looking Vexen carrying Larxene.

"We'll be back…" Larxene managed to whisper before she threw up again. Sora sighed once the pain from the lightning knife shot up his foot. He didn't want to draw much more blood from the cut, so he just sort of dragged himself back to the cottage.

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"This can't be right!" Riku said to Sora as Kairi slathered a disinfectant on his foot. "Didn't Namine say that they were friendly?" Sora sighed and looked down. Riku knew something was up. "Sora…what did you do?" The silver haired teenager asked him like a detective prying for clues.

Sora bit his lip nervously and asked them, "You wouldn't ever think less of me, right?"

Kairi and Riku shook their heads.

"Well…" Sora began.

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"So that was it?" Kairi asked, as she finished bandaging up his foot. "All because of the hair?" Sora nodded solemnly.

Kairi pouted and slipped his shoe on.

Sora winced as the inside of his shoe pressured his bandages. Kairi stopped short for a second, but Sora shook his head. "No, Kairi, I'm okay." Kairi smiled at him and got off her knees, helping Sora up onto the couch. His wound did get slightly infected, so it was swollen and purplish. Very nasty and unsightly. XP Bleh.

"Ooh, time for dinner!" Kairi said as she looked up at the clock. "I'll whip us up somethin' good!" Kairi called out as she disappeared into the kitchen.

Later…

"Wow, Kairi! This is great! Especially the mashed potatoes! When did ya learn to cook like this?" Sora delightfully exclaimed with a mouthful of chicken.

Kairi giggled and said, "I dunno, I guess I'm just kinda talented." Sora smiled back, then turned to Riku and started laughing. Kairi got a confused look on her face. She then turned to see that Riku somehow managed to get the plate stuck in his mouth. Sora and Kairi lol'ed as they helped Riku pull the plate out of his mouth.

Riku happily fell asleep on the couch as Sora and Kairi wandered off into their bedroom.

"So," Kairi started. "Will Organization XIII be pestering us again?"

"Hopefully not, but they might." Sora answered.

The brunette sighed sadly, but Sora reassured her with a light pat on the shoulder. She looked up at him and giggled. "Cute PJ's!" she said to him.

Sora blushed and quietly thanked her. Kairi sweetly smiled and pulled Sora down to her level. She gave him a goodnight kiss and they drifted off to sleep, hugging eachother.

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Meanwhile, at The World that never was……………………………………………………

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Axel was kneeling down by Larxene's bedside watching her. Her face was a pale green color, and she had an extremely sickly look on her face. Axel sighed and said, "She just spun around too much. She'll be fine, but nobody should be near her, especially you, Marly." Axel seethed at him as he held up a chakhram (sp?) to his face.

"OMG!!" Marluxia screeched in fear, and another floating, flipping and throwing up sequence followed. Axel looked back in anger, and pushed the others out.

"Grr…inconsiderate sonofabi…" he was cut short by a sharp pain in the back of his head.

It was Marluxia who hit him. He crossed his arms, picked up his scythe, stuck out his tounge, then, _finally _left the room, with Larxy continuing her barfing fit.

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"WRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"

Sora's alarm clock went off. His eyes snapped open as him and Kairi heard the loud buzzing noise. Sora hit the snooze button and fell back to sleep.

But he won't be sleeping for long……

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AN: Holy SH*T that was excruciating. My art block has been replaced w/ writer's block, so don't expect much written work. But my bffs will be treating me with ideas, so I'm sure to be fine in a little while. Cateye out! :3


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